My parents had me when they were both 19 years old. I was actually born the day after they were married, less than 24 hours later. Their wedding pics featured all my various family members all gathered around this young couple, all teary-eyed, but I highly doubt they were tears of happiness. My parents were never a soul-mate-kind of deal. They were pressured by my dad’s family to ‘do the right thing’. They were miserable the whole 12 years they were married. I vowed to never have that kind of life. Although with being so young, I guess they built the best life they could with the tools they had. I would trip over my dad’s friends passed out on the floor on weekend mornings, push them out of the way, and watch cartoons with my brother until it was time to go out and play. There are some memories in there that my brain will not let me remember, and I am totally ok with that. They will come back when the time is right.
What I did take away from my childhood was how NOT to parent. I always wanted my friends to come over, and have sleep overs, and giggle all night, but it never ever happened. Instead I would lay under my covers every night thinking my blankets would keep me safe and protected. My anxiety started at a very young age. I was always afraid of something. Or nervous about something, or someone. Kids at school can be very cruel, and I was an easy target. Insecure about my clothes, shoes, hair, my house, EVERYTHING. I made a pact with myself that if I got through one more night, one more school year, one more missed birthday party invite, that my future kids would never know that feeling.
I would like to thing I have succeeded with that little girls promise. 5 year old Donna is completely different than my kids were at 5 years old. And man, we struggled. But not once did they trip over people passed out on my floor. I was a single parent when my kids were smaller, but that’s another post altogether. My kids have a completely different life and opportunities than I had. They are 18 and 15 now, and know they can come to me and talk about anything. ANYTHING. Me and their father work very hard to ensure they have what they need to thrive.
My kids also bring home kids that are having a hard time, and hand them to me, in a way, to help them with issues or topics they may not want to discuss with anyone else. This is what I think makes me the most proud of my children. They have an amazing gift of wanting to help others. My son had a friend that came by one day and stayed for almost 2 years. He is like an older son to me and my husband, and an older brother to my kids. My house is always filled with kids. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Friday nights, rocking out on Rock Band, eating popcorn, drinking pop or bottled water. And safe. The whole bunch of them. Safe from the busy, crazy world. Safe from pressures. And crazy skunks. I hate crazy skunks.
I am so proud that my kids still want to hang out with me, even on a Friday night, or any night, and their friends like to hang with me as well. I am honored that they feel they can talk to me about anything happening in their life. Nothing is ever a non-talkable topic. Every child and youth, or even us big adult kids, should have a safe haven. My heart explodes with happiness that mynkids, and their friends, always know that our door is always open.
Peace, love, safe haven. Nothing better.
Let’s live a little more, Donna
*please know that I am in no way an expert on anything, much less children. I am who I am, and nothing more.
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